God Save the Queen

Today came great news from across the pond. My company just signed an interline agreement with British Airways, meaning that I (and other cronies at my company) can now fly standby on British Airways for… well… let’s just say it beats the train, by a lot. The only hitch being that I can only request one pass a year. Hmmm. So the question is, of more than 600 destinations, where should I go?

A quick look at this map and you’ll see my quandry. Europe? East or west? Asia? Africa? Just about any major city on the planet really.

Really it all comes down to time. I only have so many days of vacation and even if I manage to ditch extra days off, where’s the money going to come from? Still, its an opportunity NOT to be wasted. This is the reason one works for an airline in the first place. To launch over oceans and mountain ranges with the change you find buried in the couch.

Time to study, the globe…

Maybe McCain/Palin is the way to go

And I’m being entirely serious. Maybe having an unstable, unhealthy and inconsistent “maverick” as president with an inexperienced bimbo soccer mom for a VP would do the United States some good. Why? Because only they have the power to fuck things up even worse than the Dubbya posse has.

Given all the stupid, backhanded, unethical and greedy things that the Bush administration has done its a bit shocking that there hasn’t been a popular uprising in the U S of A. I think the rest of the world is aghast that y’all have let things get this fucked up and yet have done nothing about it. For a nation that likes to talk about freedom and democracy there doesn’t seem to be much getting done to stop the downward spiral, and that’s why I think McCain/Palin might just be the ticket.

Imagine if things got incomparably worse…

Best case scenario I think is that McCain gets into a war with Iran, further fucks up the economy, then due to medical problems (he won’t show us his health records) our wolverine with lipstick Sarah Palin becomes commander in chief. If that doesn’t scare you at all, watch this.

As I see it taking America from its current state of “pretty bad” to outright “disaster” would result in one of two things. A) A popular uprising from within the country, when Americans finally realise that Freedom and Democracy means TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR COUNTRY YOURSELF. Or B) The rest of the world decides that giving the keys to the biggest nuclear arsenal in the world to a former pageant queen who can “see Russia from her house” is a fucking stupid idea and moves in to tear the whole corrupted thing apart. I mean if the US can go to Iraq to “liberate” its people from a corrupt and evil government well… I think the civilized world has a bit of an obligation to the American people.

Voting for Obama might just be rational enough to keep the whole charade going for another decade or two. Obama could probably grab the reigns tight enough and wrestle the country into some kind of terrible holding pattern of the edge of the cliff rather than careening off of it. But how long can a nation wobble on the edge of a cliff? It might just be time to start over from scratch…

Burning Hats

I’ve discovered that the best way to fix your hats after a hard week of sun, dust and being crushed in the back of a u-haul trailer under a cooler and three bikes is to take a shower with it. In fact the best way to deal with playa dust on coats, backpacks and other assorted accoutrements is to take a shower with them on. I mean you just spent a week naked in the desert, might as well spend a few minutes fully clothed in the shower – right?

An additional benefit to showering with your burn hats on is that you can reshape them perfectly to the contours of your noggin, ensuring a perfect fit every time.

Next week, how to cure that peculiar itch in your crotch that you’ve had ever since that orange bunny slept in your tent on burn night using only toothpaste, speaker wire and 9V batteries…