Too Strange for Waking Life

When I woke up the first time my room was dark. Twilight strode in through the window, making everything little more than muted greys, blacks and that blue that comes from Hollywood night scenes. As I blinked awake I noticed three distinct, tiny coils of smoke in the corner of the room by the dresser, and something moving. There in the darkness, no more than a foot tall was a woman in tight army fatigues and holsters wielding some sort of weapon which she had just shot at me three times.

This isn’t real.

I’m dreaming.


I leapt out of my dream bed in my dream body and proceeded to throw this comic book figured woman – who was by now full sized into the door and proceeded with a furious makeout session, ready and eager for my first lucid dream fuck.

In all the excitement I managed to wake myself up a second time, this time in my real body and my real bed. Frustrated but excited I willed myself back to sleep, and in moments I was experiencing another false awakening in my dream room. What woke me up but something attacking me through the sheets, rushing and scurrying around the room!

After frantic tussling amongst pillows and sheets on the bed and onto the floor I found myself face to face with some sort of rat/badger thing – oddly reminiscent of the coke badger from Its All Gone Pete Tong.

Oh fuck…

I stood up, oblivious to the little monster and tried flicking the lightswitch a couple of times. No response from the lights in the room.

I’m dreaming again.

I wake up — again — for real.

So goes my first foray into lucid dreaming. Apparently it isn’t willpower, careful intention when going to bed or dream masks that bring on the lucid state – rather it seems like a week of drinking and backwards sleeping habits does the trick.

Or maybe I just got lucky. My friend who was staying with me in Montreal for the week told me that I’d been talking in my sleep a few nights before which is something I don’t normally do, so maybe there was already something going on with my sleep state.

In any case I’m confident that it’ll be easier to revisit the lucid dream world now that I’ve finally pierced the veil for the first time. The first thing to work on will be maintaining my composure while lucid dreaming so I don’t wake myself up from a flight across an alien skyline or sex with a room full of Amazon warriors. This will just naturally become easier with time.

The journey begins…


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