I’m sorry but I’m a leader. I’m having a very hard time looking after the details. I hope you can forgive me. I decided to go over your head and make some executive decisions. I wasn’t in the mood for waiting for confirmation of what I already know you’re going to say. Protocol is important yes, but shit, if I’m going to be running around doing errands I’m going to do it efficiently. Fuck this sucks.
Officially, I want, nay need to be the boss. Almost overnight my job satisfaction at the Airline doubled when I became a crew chief rather than a plain old underling. Why? Because I was in control. I’m not a control freak. I delegate well, and that’s what a real leader is. Leaders who are control freaks aren’t really leaders, they’re seconds, detail men who look after the nuts & bolts. The leader has to hold the vision, the context, he can’t be distracted by details.
Again. I hate details. They aggravate me. Make my skin crawl. Why? Because I don’t care, and it bothers me. This very moment I should be looking after details, but I’m not, I’m blogging, because I’m getting tense. Details push me. Push me hard. I’m biting my lip. Grinding my teeth. Every muscle in my body is tense because there’s all these stupid little things that need doing.
Some might accuse me of laziness, but that isn’t it at all. I’m willing to work long and hard, but there has to be a point to it all. I could handle driving at the Airline because it was my job and I want to do well at my job. Beyond that I wanted the company to do well, so I busted my ass. On set I work hard, because for me its a powerful learning experience. Ultimately when I’m directing I won’t need to know how to rig lights or set up a dolly track, but its good to know so that I can understand what’s going on around me.
In those cases my drive, my purpose and vision is clear. The company. Promotion. Learning. Its when I get a detaily task that has no apparent relevance to my future, for which I have no vision or goals. Well then I get stuck, and bored, and angry. That pretty much describes school for me. Totally and completely irrelevant.
So obviously for my current duties – preparing for MDI’s upcoming conference in Calgary – I need to shift my context and figure out what the heck I’m getting out of it and what my vision is. Why should I work hard? Why should these details matter to me? Ultimately it boils down to two things;
Simple. But I still have to work them out in my head.
I’ve been told a million times, you have to do things you’d rather not do in order to succeed and do the things that you really want to do. Okay, okay. I get it. Doesn’t mean I have to like it…