Film of the Living Dead

I predicted that this was coming a long time ago, but its finally here, or at least its on its way. Yes marketing execs have finally decided the time is right to invoke the digital Necronomicon and raise the dead to perform on television. Is this a sign of the end times? Perhaps.

Actually my prediction was that the porn industry would latch onto the possibilities of recreating dead actors first. Afterall, their morals are fairly base, they might be able to slip a couple of Marylin Monroe and the Yellow Submarine videos out before they got sued to high heaven. But then I underestimated the perversion and depravity of marketing agencies, well that and their infinitely superior budgets. Ten million for a Super Bowl commercial? No problem. Ten grand for some decent lighting in a porno? Forget it.

So we’ve got a zombie Orville Redenbacher. Not my first choice, but I guess you need to start somewhere, preferably with someone that nobody cares about just to judge the reaction and get people used to the idea of dead people dancing around hawking wares over the airwaves. Not that it hasn’t been done before; Yul Brenner, Laurence Olivier.

I think the first subjects we’ll see Hollywood using will be the likes of Clint Eastwood, Bruce Lee, Elvis and Marylin Monroe, the super nova movie stars of all time. Who wouldn’t pay to go see a new Clint Eastwood flick?

Frankly if I was a Hollywood actor I’d be concerned, after all suddenly you’re competing not only against current actors, but every actor that ever lived. Actors that don’t complain, eat, sleep or throw tantrums (unless you ask them to). As movies like Sin City and 300 have shown us you don’t need locations or sets to film a movie, soon you won’t need actors either. All you need are armies of animators and warehouses full of overheating graphics processors. The landscape is changing…

But still, I think porno’s the real arena to watch. I mean when it comes to extremes porno is where its at. Forget bad boob jobs and guys who can’t keep it up. Virtual porn starts will be able to do things that make even Fabio blush, not to mention the potential when unauthorized reproductions of your favorite movie stars start going at it for your… ahem… pleasure, in high definition in your living room… or parents’ basement.

I’m waiting for the Rita Hayworth videos with eager anticipation. Don’t expect to see me for at least a week.


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