Never Look a Massage Therapist in the Mouth

Okay here’s the scene. Its a Wednesday night and I’m at the Ship & Anchor to hang out with a girl I met at the $100 Film Festival the week before. So I’m at the bar ordering a drink and there’s this beautiful girl sitting there while some guy filibusters into her ear and her eyes glaze over like a couple of French cruller donuts. Finally he leaves, his coat still hanging off the chair next to her. I sit down.

“It looks like you’ve been relegated to guard duty.” I say referring to the fellow’s lonely, crumpled coat.

So we end up chatting. She notices my “Respect Porno” button, which goes over well initially, but quickly nosedives. At some point she mentions that she’s a massage therapist. I immediately turn around and offer my back for inspection, but foolishly I turn back. We run out of things to talk about (I’m distracted by several people I know in the bar) and the whole thing just kind of peters out.

Now let’s stop and think about this for a moment. Her, drunk attractive massage therapist. Me, horny charming man who’s jobs involve lots of bending and lifting. IN other words a sexy massage therapist is exactly what I need.

I’m not sure if its something I did at work recently (I have been working longer hours than usual) or if there’s something wrong with my bed, but every morning for the past week I’ve woken up with a sore back. This ironically coincides almost exactly with my failing to seduce the massage therapist. If ever there was evidence for the existence of deities with sadistic senses of humour/irony, this is it.

So for the next few nights I’m going to be sleeping on the rigid sofa in the hopes that I can realign whatever it is I’ve mangled in my spine. Unfortunately I seem to have forgotten my system password on the computer, so I can’t program scheduled tasks to play Europe’s Final Countdown at 8:00 to wake me up. Shame.

In other news I just started another blog. Yes now that I’ve gotten the hang of this blogging stuff I’m going a bit crazy. Its called Frame by Frame and you can find it at Yes some fuckwit already has framebyframe. It only has one post. I want to eat his liver.

The new blog is off to a slow start, but I think its a reasonable blog for me to write since film analysis is something I’m really quite good at. I think the potential also exists for gaining a decent readership and maybe even generating some paying work. We’ll see. If nothing else it’ll be good practice for me to tune my eyes and ears as well as getting me in contact with more filmmakers out there.

Speaking of which, everything is in place for the filming of my Big Rock Eddie. I’m pretty excited. Hot on its heels is the Honest Airways video which has run into a snag regarding the location but I’m in full bore producer mode dealing with it. No triffling locations issues will stop me. We’ve got a great script and an actress who’s super enthusiastic about the idea. It’ll happen. One way or another.


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