Stabbing from the grave

Oh this is rich. A brilliant shining example of everything that’s back assward and fucked up about modern capitalism. Namely that two REAL beavers could probably manage a company better than the virtual rodents that represent Bell here in Canada. Soft and cuddly my ass.

The following is a transcript of my vain attempt to get Bell to stop spamming me a month after I cancelled my subscription to their service. I must note that the customer service agent was slow as fuck, indicating either she was eating a rice noodle bowl or she had ten chat windows open at once.

(Incidentally chat based customer service is none the less faster than trying to find a human voice on the phone, even if they end the conversation with silly macros.)

System

Welcome Nathan Taylor.

System

Connecting to server. Please wait…

System

Connection with server established.

System

Ganesa (SCI-274225) has joined this session!

System

Connected with Ganesa (SCI-274225)

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Hi Nathan Taylor, welcome to Bell Sympatico Services, my name is Ganesa (SCI-274225), how may I help you today?

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Good evening, Nathan.

You

I’d just like my ap.films@gmail.com address removed from whatever system is sending me “Information from our discussion” messages.” on a daily basis.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Do you wish to stop receiving spam messages for ap.films@gmail.com

You

yes

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

I am really sorry, we have no access with gmail account, since it is sympatico Internet service help desk, however, I suggest you to contact google for further information about your gmail account.

You

No, YOU’re sending me emails.

You

I’ve recieved over 100 emails from bell tech support in two months.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Are you sympatico Internet service subscriber?

You

I was, I cancelled my service a month ago. Now i get even more emails.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

May I know, your b1 number and complete address with postal code, so that I can pull your account and check with that.

You

My original was B1NAQK62, however there were problems with that account and it may have been changed to a second B1 temporarily. Area code is h4c 3g7

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Thank you.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

I really appreciate your patience.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Nathan, I have remove the gmail address from our records, hence you will not receive any more mails to your ap.films@gmail.com from sympatico.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Is there anything else I can assist you with?

You

That’s all. Thank you very much!

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

You are most welcome.

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Thank you for choosing Bell and have yourself a great day.

Don’t forget to visit our new Sympatico Internet Forums website by following this link: http://www.bell.ca/internetforum

and also our Customer Service web site at this link: http://service.sympatico.ca

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Have a great week ahead!

Ganesa (SCI-2742 25)

Thank you for your business.

System

Ganesa (SCI-274225) has left this session!

System

The session has ended!

Here’s hoping the emails actually stop. More than 100 in less than two months…

P.S.: Its with great pleasure that I know the agent is to in revulsion at her job that she probably dreams of skewering her eyes out, if only they’d let her have a pencil…

The Wild Wild Web

I don’t think I understood all the hullabaloo over net neutrality until I had to get an Internet connection at my new apartment. Now granted its an unusual space. Hundred year old factories turned loft apartments aren’t your everyday install, but its led me to some interesting places…

First Bell tells me I can’t get DSL here. Initially I accepted that and took their second option which turns out to be wireless transmission from their central office over on Atwater. Well the signal is crappy and inconsistent, move the receiver a millimetre and it loses the signal, not to mention I have to put it in the window upstairs which is incredibly inconvenient. Even without touching it the bandwidth wobbles around wildly and I’ve had two outtages within the first week. Great job Bell.

Enter Videotron. The installer showed up today then couldn’t find the cable box. Now in all fairness I understand that this building is kind of hodge podge, but, you’d think that after the first half dozen installs that Videotron might set things up properly, or at least have comments on file attached to the address explaining what’s going on. After wandering around with the installer for an hour he finally left without having done anything.

Then I start the research, and this is where I really start to see the shady undertones of the whole thing, that is on top of the total incompetence of the major players.

I can’t get Limewire or SoulSeek to work on my Internet connection, because Bell/Sympatico blocks them. A bit of research reveals that pretty much all the major players are “shaping” or “throttling” Internet traffic with impunity deciding what you can and can’t do and how much you can do it. Self imposed data police. Great.

Of course it gets even better. In the spirit of competition Bell and Rogers and their ilk are obligated to let independents play on their systems as well. Unfortunately they’re continuing to shape and throttle the accounts of users under their competitors - which kind of eliminates the point of competition and creates a… dare I say it… a duopoly cartel that can use its muscle to keep anyone else from getting a foot in the door.

And it gets better. People switching from say Bell to an independent ISP frequently find their speed drastically reduced, even though their Internet is coming from the exact same infrastructure. That’s right Bell “accidentally” changes your circuit to a slower setting. Oops.

The more I read the more disgusted I get.

So I’m cancelling both Bell and Videotron and going with Teksavy. Sure its coming from Bell copper, but at least they only get part of the money.

Oh, did I mention that it took Bell over two weeks to get my Internet to me in the first place? Bra-fucking-vo.

The great thing about the 30 day trial

Most of us hate that software that disables itself after thirty days, urging us to throw money at the developer for something we’ve been using for free for a full month. I’ve been like that. Heck, who likes paying for stuff? Who likes being teased with something only to have it snatched away mercilessly after you’ve just started to get used to it? Well, there is a bright side.

The thirty day trial is the perfect opportunity to impose a concrete deadline on yourself. Smashing down like a castle gate.

I downloaded some web design applications yesterday because I really, really need a website for my photo and video services. The software has the dreaded 30 day trial, after which it will just become hard drive pollution. So, I guess I’m going to have my website finished and CSS learned by February 23rd. Looks like…

Hey!

When the hell did flowers get added to this WordPress theme?! Jesus pulling up his pants in an alley what is going on here?! Do not go fucking with a man’s CSS when he isn’t looking and add frilly little flowers to his blog! Gads. Someone’s going to think I put them there. Use come common sense and tact…

I’m too tired to go hunting for a new theme right now, but I’ll get you. I’ll get you…

Frame by Frame

Well I finally started working on my film review blog Frame by Frame. Unfortunately I discovered that part of my “marketing” plan isn’t going to work. See every time I review or critique a film on YouTube or similar services I was going to include a link in the comments to the review. Helpful, polite and it would probably generate quite a bit of traffic. The problem? In order to defeat spambots YouTube doesn’t allow the posting of URLs or email addresses. Fuckers.

On a related note I think the new Internet 2.0 is actually dumbing down its user base. All you have to do is check out the crap that finds its way to YouTube, read someone’s wall on facebook or look at the comments on the end of a news story and you’ll see a disturbing trend. A combination of low brow humour, illiteracy and petty squabbling. What a bunch of losers our species is.

The signal to noise ratio on this planet is going off the chart.

The Power of their Force…

I must say I was pretty stoked today when I did a search of Jim Henson films on the Internet and discovered that they’re making a sequel to The Dark Crystal. Power of the Dark Crystal looks and sounds pretty impressive, and its great to see another addition to this wonderful fantasy revival that’s been going on in movies over the past few years.

The first time I saw The Dark Crystal was at the Macquarie University Film Society in Sydney. Everyone poured into one of the lecture halls with drinks and snacks and pillows and we watched an original 35mm print. It was pretty amazing. I’ll be eagerly following the production diary. I hope its fairly detailed so that I can experience the set vicariously.

Would You?

I just finished listening to a Xeni Jardin podcast on the Virginia Tech shooter and the digital manifesto he sent to NBC. The emphasis was on the manifesto itself, but Xeni mentioned something that I find perhaps more interesting. As the event unfolded there were lots of online accounts and communications, between students, witnesses, and… victims.

How many of the victims left behind MySpace or facebook profiles? Flickr galleries? Blogs? YouTube videos? In a strange way most of these people persisted on the Internet after their deaths in a very personal, intimate way. So my question - Would you look at the blog/profile/etc of one of the victims?

It wouldn’t be difficult. Names are available, you know what school they went to and where. What happens to these virtual segments of identity after the person is gone? Particularly when they leave in such an abrupt, tragic and public way? Who has control over them after they’re gone? Should they be preserved? Passed on - and to who? Destroyed?

Perhaps the creepiest possibility is derived from the field of artificial intelligence and work on automated personal representatives, digital clones that people can interact with when you’re away from the computer. Imagine yourself talking to a digital ghost.

In some sense I can see these “artifacts” as memorials and a reflection of the retribalization of human society. Though you may have no direct knowledge or connection to any of the victims, witnesses or the perpetrator himself, you can come to an understanding of them through their virtual imprints. Perhaps this offers an opportunity for empathy and understanding that hasn’t existed before. On the other hand perhaps its just gross.

However, whenever you create an online presence for yourself, you are making yourself into a public object to be viewed and interpreted. Privacy is at least partially a choice. Is it really that much different to have your profile lurked when you’re alive? Though then again, there may be some perverse celebrity attached to a spectacular death - something nobody could have predicted.

As the virtual world and the world of the flesh grow more and more intertwined, perhaps we need to begin to wonder, does death over here mean the same thing as death over there?

Theevilexbook.com

Well these guys are clever, and kind of scummy. Having my honor assaigued (I swear that’s a word - I just can’t find the spelling anywhere) by a bot was bad enough, but I’m genuinely surprised by what came next. This was submitted as a comment to my original post about the site;

sally smith | sallysmith101101@yahoo.com | theexbook.com | IP: 75.85.60.149

I think the service is great this will help stop people from cheating. I actually was posted positively on the site by 2 of my exes.

I think their will always people like you whom have wronged others and now you want to try to stop it.

The site will help lower divorce ratios and make people cognizant of their actions. Finally people have to pay the price for breaking someones heart. This way the good get referred and the bad get posted for who they really are.

Apr 13, 3:04 AM

Since this all started with some shady promotional methodology I thought I’d do some checking. Turns out the email address listed above doesn’t exist, meaning either A) this person is a chicken shit or B) its just another low down spambot marketing ploy. I’m going to opt for B.

And just to satisfy those of you salivating for ex dirt thinking “Boy he must have something big to hide.” here’s the scoop on the worst thing I ever did to an ex. I’m not proud of it, but I was young and foolish and having done it once I can confidently say that I will never do it again.

How I Ruined Redhead’s Life

My on again/off again girlfriend of three years came to visit me in Australia when I was there. When I left to return to Canada she stayed behind. We agreed that long distance relationships don’t work, so for as long as we were apart we were free to do as we pleased.

The tentative plan was for her to move in with me when she returned to Canada, but that was six months away. I started casually dating HippieTits but it didn’t get serious until only a week or two before Redhead was scheduled to return. Of course when I told her that HippieTits and I were getting serious she was devastated. She already had her non-refundable tickets back to Canada and now wasn’t sure where she was going to live. In a matter of days all of our plans together fell apart.

It goes without saying that this was hard on Redhead, but it was hard on me as well. I honestly had strong feelings for both girls and strange as it seems I picked HippieTits because I was pretty sure it wouldn’t last. Redhead was my first real girlfriend and I felt like I needed more experience before settling down with one person long term. I figured I would go out with HippieTits for a few months to a year, then I might be ready for Redhead.

Fast forward a couple of years. HippieTits and I have long since broken up, Redhead wanders back into my life and we briefly date again. Yes I did something pretty stupid and cruel, but obviously it wasn’t so bad that she wouldn’t give me another chance. In fact most of my exes have come back for another try at one point or another. Clearly I’m not a total monster, though I’ve made my fair share of screwups. You learn from these things. Thank god.

Oh you were so bad to her…

MySpace is such a wonderus place, where porn bots, desperate starlets and mediocre musicians all throng to your door begging for attention, but this is something new. Imagine all your ex-lovers coming back to haunt you! Oh yes that’s the threat, though you’ll see how seriously I take it. Of course the gullible net generation will fall for it hook line and sinker just like they do for every Internet fad. But really, who wants a website that spouts such vitriol and bitterness?

Here’s the bait I found in my mailbox;

Subject: Kay O. Sweaver, about an ex posting

Body: If the story your ex wrote about you KAy on theexbook.com is true, then in my opinion its not right. I actually took my own time through a link tofind you and tell you that I think its not right to reat someone that way when love is involved. Was it love? What was it?

Good look in the dating world after others read it. Hopefully this experience will result in better decision making. If what an ex wrote is not true orv this is not you, then I appologise for this message. I just wanted to share my point of view -people deserve to be treated with respect, honesty, and loyalty. The site does have a rebuttal section but no rebuttals were made- so either it was not cared about or unknown.

I enjoyed the typos and grammatical errors. My response;

What a wonderful viral marketing approach. Directly targeting personal emotional history. Best of all the more vague the allusions to the horrible things you did to an ex, the more that is left up to the imagination. Add to that the fear of others reading bad reviews, well who wouldn’t want to register and set the record straight?

Overall an excellent approach, though I must say the production quality of the site is shoddy at best. If there really is an ex profile of me on there, well congrats. If people wish to believe the bitter and vengeful rhetoric of disenfranchised lovers rather than learning from past experiences and moving on to form their own opinions, so be it. Those people are of no interest to me.

Of course this is probably a bot so nobody will ever read it. If it isn’t a bot, well, make your profile public and say hello.

If only we’d put the Internet to good use, I wouldn’t have to suffer through so many bandwidth bottlenecks and site outages…

Google: “sucking me off”

Every once in a while I get bored and throw random phrases or portmanteaus at Google and see what it decides to throw back at me. Feeling a bit promiscuous tonight I decided to give it the phrase “sucking me off” expecting (and not really desiring) any more than amateur erotica and naughty fan fiction. Instead, after wading through all that garbage I found this little gem. James Joyce’s dirty letters. Oh Internet, let me never doubt your ability to rouse strange admiration.