The Trial

I dreamt that I was in court, defending myself against the charges brought against me, my actions on Wednesday night.

There’s a reason I don’t vlog. I can’t make a simple little video. There are multiple shots, wardrobe and dramatic lighting to consider, what about the music? A talking head might as well get transcribed into text. If you’re going to use the power of the moving image, you’d better use all of its potential. Otherwise its like using a 2GHz computer and a color laser printer to make a grocery list.

Yeah, there’s going to be a video. A kind of artsy, very personal video. It will be cathartic.

More importantly though. I feel ready to forgive myself, and that’s really all that’s in my power to do now.

Cold

The wind is cold and wet
It stings my skin, my eyes
Yet I go on

The past 24 hours have been a nightmare. Its been a long time since I’ve had a truly horrific day. I suppose I was due.

Words don’t really suffice how I feel, so I’m not going to attempt it. At least not now. I’m too tired. Explaining the events, the chronology of shame. I’m not ready for that tonight. I may vlog it over the next few days.

Suffice it to say I made some grave errors last night. I have spoken to many people about it. Friends so true that they’ll tell me flat out if I’m being a douchebag. They tell me I wasn’t, that it was an honest mistake, an accident with unfortunate consequences.

Then today the snow mixed with the shame, and everything at work seeming to go wrong – ensuring that I hit bottom, so that I can humbly and wisely begin to climb back again.

Today I was told a story or a proverb. It goes like this; The Buffalo is the only animal that turns and walks into the approaching storm when all other animals flee. The Buffalo understands that by walking into the storm, it divides it in half, emerging from the other side while the other animals are still enduring the wind and snow.

Moving towards trouble is sometimes the fastest way to get through it, though it will be painful.

My apologies to Triple-B for what I’ve done. Know that I didn’t intend any harm. I learned a lot today, things I will never forget.